Self-Sabotage Series, article 6.

How to avoid sabotaging your relationship.

Trust is very important.

Trust brings people in a relationship together. If trust is broken, it is very damaging, and extremely difficult to overcome. Trust takes time to develop, and requires a concerted effort from both parties. You will need to make your relationship a priority, be trustworthy, and mean what you say – and say what you mean.

Words are very powerful, and to keep your relationship on an even keel, choose your words carefully before you speak.

In a perfect world, this sounds great for any relationship, but the world is not perfect, and there will always be challenges along the way. 

A romantic relationship, especially in its early stages, is often a source of great joy and happiness. However, many folk enter relationships with baggage that is not always apparent. As time goes by, and when people begin to open their hearts to each other, challenges from emotional baggage begin to arise.

Unresolved emotional trauma from the past suddenly leaves you vulnerable to insecurities, fears of possible rejection, or abandonment, and always causes you to be in need of constant reassurance.

Although we may not always consciously remember a specific traumatic event, if it is not resolved, it will become baggage lurking in the subconscious mind. For example, a sense of hurt may occur in a romantic or close relationship, which can cause you to overreact if certain emotional memories are triggered. 

Negative responses such as jealousy and anger, can lead to you sabotaging your relationship when faced with challenges.

 

How to avoid self-sabotaging your relationships.

Every relationship, no matter how loving or how close, will face challenges at one time or another. How you respond is often indicative of how your parents may have responded to you when you were an infant, or how you saw them respond to each other in difficult times. 

Very often these learned behaviour patterns from the past influence our emotional responses to challenges which may arise in a relationship. This results in negative reactions which only deepens the trap of self-sabotage.

Here are some ways to help you prevent self-sabotaging behaviours taking over.

·      Awareness.If you often pick a fight and start blaming your partner, remember that there are two in a conflict, and being aware of your part in it, might help to settle an argument before it gets out of hand.

·      Be considerate.Always give of yourself, consider your partner’s feelings, and show love and respect at all times.

·      No secrets.Be trustworthy and communicate any doubts and fears you have with your partner, before small issues become huge challenges.

·      Positive focus.Do not break each other down by finding fault and pointing out perceived shortcomings. Rather concentrate on the positive, and try and build each other up.

Making your relationship a priority will also help to curb self-sabotaging emotional impulses.

Dealing with emotional baggage. 

Relationship experts agree that the best way to get rid of emotional baggage is by means of hypnotherapy. Many of the unresolved trauma and emotional memories are located in the subconscious mind. 

During hypnosis, when you are in a relaxed state, the therapist can access the subconscious mind, and help you identify and deal with painful issues which are keeping you back. 

Hypnotherapy will help you in the following ways:

·      Guide you to identify the triggers which may be setting off unpredictable, self-sabotaging behaviour.

·      Help you to overcome insecure, irrational thoughts about your relationship, such as that your partner may be cheating on you.

·      Help you to understand that strong emotional reactions to what may seem to be small hassles, is a sign that there are still unresolved issues from the past.

·      The therapist will guide you in a helpful way to begin healing from past hurts, and encourage a new mindset which will lead to self-acceptance and restore self-esteem which may have been lost.

Trust and communication between partners may help both to recognize self-sabotaging behaviours before they arise.